>>6142I remember when I was in rehab for 55 days of rehabilitation, I had so much fun playing volleyball. I hadn't laughed that hard sincerely in a very, very long time; so unrefined and pure. I and learning coping mechanisms and enjoyed small sensations; and while those have helped me set the foundation for it all, it was technically forced upon me. It's no wonder I relapsed so hard afterwards. I don't know what it was 6 days ago that spurred it on, but I decided that enough was enough. I didn't want to say anything to anyway, to get people's hopes up in my life, but others started to notice after the 4th day of refusing to drink.
I just baked a tray of corn bread and piled shredded chicken on top of it. Then I spread jalapeño jam over the top. This is delicious.
I remember telling people that I drink because I feel emotions too strongly, and attempt to numb myself, and then I hit a sweet spot. If I drink too much it goes out of control and I end up an alcoholic mess of emotions and no real way to channel it outside of negativity.
Emotions are apart of us; both positive and negative. I'm starting to realize that. Or rather, I always knew, but I think I am ready to embrace them; the good and the bad. It's like this dish I just made. It's strange, it's alien, and yet; it has a comforting taste to it. Maybe this is what acceptance tastes like. Slightly sweet, and little spicy; painful on the tongue; and yet it isn't bad at all.
By the end of tonight it will have been a week. A week that I made by my own decision without any outside influences for the first time in over 12 years.
(Also this dish goes good with mexican hot chocolate mixed with coffee. It's nice and steaming)
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